It seems at first slightly surprising that a man who has starred in over 50 porn films has such traditional views on life, love, sex and relationships. The prejudice of expecting to meet a mascot for the body fascist, body beautiful generation, was my mistake. Aiden Shaw clearly is not what you would expect. Maybe that is the point. Behind the porn, through his art and its abstract expressions, the incisive writing, he is someone who has consistently tried to challenge mainstream opinion.

There is a clear sense throughout his life, and the way he has expressed it in art, (shock you to make you think school of thought), that his loyalties lie in championing the underground, ironically something that is superficially at odds with the modern perfectionist porn ideal.

For him, part of porn's initial appeal was because it was counter culture and a little bit sleazy, when you had to be a bit of a freak to do it. On that reasoning you can understand why he occasionally finds young gays kind of generic.

To describe him through labels (writer, musician, director, prostitute porn star), would be obvious and lazy. He is in fact a caring down to earth and intelligent man, a thinker, who has constantly asked questions to evolve, maybe even to survive. He is someone who is now visibly comfortable with the many labels he has proudly worn and had projected onto him. Someone that throughout his somewhat extraordinary life, has stayed true to his ideals, an unlikely role model that we can all relate to in some small way.

In this the first issue of QueensSpeech we go behind the façade and talk to Aiden Shaw about his life in the porn industry, prostitution and about his new book, My Undoing, a moving autobiography, written over eight years though a difficult period in his life, ultimately a moving search for love and meaning and happiness. Aiden is a talented and accomplished writer who has written four other books; If language, Brutal, Boundaries and Wasted. He is also a songwriter, having written songs for his long time friend Nina Silvert, he has also directed some of her music videos.

Has the porn industry changed over the years?

I started in the industry in 1991 and my last video was a couple of years ago. But I don't think the porn industry has changed much over that time, its more that society has changed. When I started doing porn it was very much underground, you had to be a bit of a freak to do it. Porn was like what drugs used to be before ecstasy came along. Now everybody and their mom does ecstasy, in the same way, now everybody and their boyfriend likes to have a porn video they've done to show their friends, but back then it was sleazy and seedy.

Do you think a different type of person went into porn compared to now?

Yes definitely. I think back then you had to be alternative, whereas now it's anybody who can use Cavaject, and a good bit of steroids. (Cavaject is like Viagra but injected).

Models and actors must make a lot more money now though?

When I first started advertising for prostitution there were about seven other people in the Pink Paper. It was such a novelty that you could charge a lot of money. But now I can't believe how little money they do it for now, considering it's 15 years later. It's the same in the porn industry. Luckily, I've always been kind of a niche market (laughs).

Is that because there are more porn stars now?

Hey, there's a difference between a porn star and a porn model. Porn models cum and go,butt Porn Stars have shelf life.

Do you think its good thing that's there's now more porn and more people doing porn?

I'd like to be superficial and say I don't care, but I don't necessarily think porn is a good thing.

Why?

I don't think porn is really about sex. Most people watch porn whilst jerking off by themselves. I don't know if I want more people to do that. I'd rather people had sex with each other. And possibly even with people they love, or at least like.

Do you see it more as a job, career or an art form?

Originally it was about being counter culture, so you could say that was art, or politics, Then it became a career, and then at some point it was just a job. The thing is, you make so little money from porn compared to what it gets for you. It's the best PR in the world for being a prostitute of course, and for me it was really good PR for being a writer too.

How successful have you been in the industry?

I think very few people become legends, and apparently that's what I am now, but I don't know quite what it means. A few years ago Chi Chi La Rue told me that I was the highest paid in America. Some would say that's an indication of success.

You've clearly had sex with lots of men. Has that negatively affected your personal relationships?

I don't think my past has much of a detrimental affect on my relationship now. My past has made me what I am, and that's made me someone that he (refers to Boyfriend) can love, that's good by me. We have a lovely relationship, its very soft. You'd be surprised how sweet we are to each other, its not like a lot of guys are. We are very straight forward and old fashioned.

In your current book you had a dilemma about open relationships, how do you feel about them now?

My bedrock, my bottom-line, my ground zero is that I want a monogamous relationship. I used to find it so fucking hard to find guys that would go along with that. Maybe it was the kind of guys that I was meeting, or maybe it was my circle. Whatever it was, I usually ended up being in ridiculous relationships. Finally I have found someone who feels the same way as I do.

Because of your past, do people prejudge you and expect you to behave and be a certain way?

Probably.

Do you think your recent work (the music, the art and your books) will change people's perception of you?

To some people to some degree.

Working as a prostitute in London in the early nineties. Do you think its easier for escorts working now, especially as it's more open?

Yes. I think I had a big influence on the opening up of gay prostitution in London, the back page QX-type escort advertisements. About ten fifteen years ago, there was me, and probably two other guys that used our photographs. It was considered shocking.

Why do it?

I wanted to fight against society, and it was an expression of that. Then it was transgressive, like the way we used to go on gay pride marches with just a few hundred people, but now it's a big party. Back then we did things because we believed in it not because there was a party and some drugs at the end of it. Sometimes I'm embarrassed that my generation have been a part of creating current gays.

Why?

Some modern gays are easily lead and affected by advertising, they seem lacking in individuality of thought, action, body and soul. They seem to think spirituality is listening to Madonna's Ray of Light album. Maybe its because individuality is so "off the peg" and pre-packed now. I guess it is not so much my age group's fault but that of commercialism, capitalism and globalisation generally which has led to a homogeny of thought, image and behaviour.

Your new book My Undoing, it's a search for love, meaning and happiness. Do you think you've found what you were looking for?

Yes, then I just wanted a lovely man in my life, maybe I was looking in the wrong places, maybe I was looking at the wrong people, maybe I wasn't ready. I don't know all those things maybe. There were external influences as well, such as getting paralysed after being run over by a car, and of course, drugs. I think its all him (refers to Boyfriend). Maybe I was in the right place at the right time, thank god for that, a lot of people aren't that lucky.

It's a very real book; you don't sanitise any part of modern gay culture and your life.

That's always been a theme of mine. I've always been honest about prostitution and porn. If you can't own what you do then it becomes weak. Also, I don't agree with the morals I was born into and it's my way of expressing that.

Are you rebelling from your Irish Catholic upbringing?

I'm sure I was at some point. I think I'm tired of that now, so now I'm rebelling against my rebelling (Laughs).

So you'll become religious then?

No, I'd rather have a cup of hot milk, a biscuit and some affection.

What are you working on at the moment?

Currently I'm doing a Masters in Creative Writing at Goldsmiths. Also, my publishers want a prequel to My Undoing, which I am working on. It's going to set around the time I left college in Brighton and transferred up to Harrow. I started working in a brothel on old Bond Street, a gentlemen's club. It was a period when ecstasy was first hitting and we had loads of money. It's going to be more up beat, and fun.

I'm also writing an autobiography, "pre gay", before pornography, prostitution, sex, drugs and my adult relationships. I'm enjoying it, but I'm aware that my current readers may not have the slightest interest.

Tell me about the music?

I wrote an album for a good friend of mine, Nina Silvert. It's called "Nina Silvert does Aiden Shaw". I also designed her website and directed the music videos from that album. I think I'm even in a couple of them.

A lot of the themes in your art and music videos are weird and abstract, what are you trying to say with them?

If I could have said it in words I would have. You can express some things in music, some things in words, and some things with images, or film. I guess that for a while there, I felt I could also express myself with sex. discuss

Special thanks to

Aiden Shaw, www.aidenshaw.com

Nina Silvert, www.ninasilvert.com

Images: James and James, Paul Freeman, Simon Booth, Mark Wayland

Words: QueensSpeech